Why My MFA Doesn't Mean Sh*t
how timing is everything
One of my greatest regrets in life is having done a low residency MFA program (between 2006-2009) during one of the most chaotic, unstable periods of my life. Where I am today, at fifty-one, would be the perfect stage in my life for an MFA program. Instead of pursuing yet another expensive degree, I have developed my own MFA program to re-educate myself and hopefully, do some of the best writing of my life.
Back then, I chased degrees to avoid life and feel some sort of accomplishment trying to prove my worth. Instead, I ended up with an embarrassing amount of student loan debt and unprocessed trauma.
Here is a breakdown of all the reasons why it wasn’t the best time:
Year one, 2006-2007: Get married to someone I did not know well enough who turned out to be a raging alcoholic. At one point my husband pours cough syrup down my throat because I am having a panic attack.
My first-year mentor sent me an unhinged email because I was supposed to be majoring in poetry and I wanted to work on a prose piece. He also encouraged me to read more “North American writers” when I chose books by Latinx authors.
In his defense when it comes to the poetry focus, this is yet another reason I was not ready for an MFA program. I was all over the place when it came to genre and, had no real plan.
Oh, during this time I am also working at a headstart where more than half the kids were on behavior plans. We got kicked, hit, spit on, and one teacher ended up with a concussion because a four-year-old threw a chair at her head.
Year two, 2007-2008: Husband and I are roommates. My daughter becomes chronically ill. I can barely keep a job because she is sick and home so often.
In year two, they assigned me a new mentor, poet Lola Haskins. Lola is an ethereal, otherworldly, poet and human being. She is the best thing that came out of my MFA.
Halfway through 2007, a psychiatrist diagnoses me with bipolar disorder. My medications change, and change, and change until they discover a cocktail of psych meds that are mildly successful. I cannot work anymore. I work part-time for a while, and then, I end up having to depend on my husband who I already needed to leave and student loans.
Fall of that year, my husband and separate. He is with someone new and at the very end of the year, I meet A.
I move into transitional housing with my kids to Bainbridge Island to slowly get back on my feet.
Year 3, 2008-2009: I develop severe anemia due to heavy bleeding and almost end up having a blood transfusion. I can only work a couple of hours a day at schools and daycares. I end up having a procedure. I end up taking out even MORE student loans.
I graduated in August 2009. None of my family made it to my graduation, but my friend Kyle was there, as well as A.
Which leads me to where I am now…
***
It took ten years to reap the reward of my graduate degree. I got a job as a full-time English instructor at a community college in 2009--a dream job. This degree made my career possible.
I may have not gotten much out of it academically due to my own lack focus, preparedness and instability, but I met the most beautiful human beings. I watched my peers publish poetry books, novels, short story collections. I watched them win awards. The prolific poet and founder of Two Sylvia’s Press graduated from the same MFA program, as well as award winning fiction author April Ayers Lawson. I saw what was possible.
I wasn’t prepared for this program, I didn’t do my best work, but I was introduced to a multitude of writers who inspired me, supported, and encouraged me.
***
I’ve mostly writen free verse, but through my own curriculum, I want to teach myself a variety of forms, challenge myself and become a better poet, because I owe this to my younger self.
My self-led “degree” is 100% focused on poetry, with a mix of poetry books and craft books on poetry. I will share the list below.
My plan is to share a little bit about each poet and their collection, write a reflection, and share personal connections. I hope to create visual art inspired by their writing as well.
These are some of the poets I am planning to study. This is an exhaustive list, and I do not expect to read a book by every single author, but I have given myself a variety to choose from.
(The authors with a book title are ones I have already read):
Sage Herrin, The Shattered Muse
Andrea Gibson, You Better Be Lightning
Louise Gluck, The Wild Iris
Mary Oliver, Dream Work
Warsan Shire, Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in her Head.
Morgan Parker, Other People’s Comfort Keeps Me Up at Night
Donika Kelly, The Renunciations
Susan Niemi, Yoni Provenance
Evie Shockley
Tracy K. Smith
Franny Choi
Mathea Harvey
Lucille Clifton
Audre Lorde
Joy Harjo
Natalie Diaz
Nikki Giovanni
Olivia Gatwood
Diane Suess
Doriane Laux
Marie Howe
Sharon Olds
Olena Kalytak
Marge Piercey
Anne Carson
Clare Pollard
Jenny Zhang
Megan Falley
Elizabeth Alexander
Eileen Myles
Patricia Lockwood
Charlotte Boulay
Alicia Jo Robins
Daphne Gottieb
Craft books:
The Poetry Handbook, Mary Oliver
The Poet’s Companion, Kim Addonizio
How Dare We! Write, Sherry Quan Lee
A Little Book on Form, Robert Hass
The Poetry Home Repair Manual, Ted Kooser
In the Palm of Your Hand, Steve Kowit
Poetry as Spellcasting, Tamil Beyer, Destiny Hemphill & Lisbeth White