Building Intentional Communities
An ode to everyone who has helped me feel less alone
Every Saturday, I sit cross legged in a room with women of all different ages and backgrounds, meditative music in the background, learning tarot. We learn about each other’s lives through our tarot spreads. We get to know each other more as each week goes by and the energy evolves beautifully into a place of holding space through active, empathetic listening.
On Sunday I join the Self Care Club for a generative writing group where my dear friend Sage gives us tarot like prompts: past, present and future. We write for ten minutes at a time with the option to share or not. It’s low pressure and it is yet another place where a common interest brings us together in genuine, authentic community. Thank you, Sage, for reigniting my creativity and for inviting me into this special space for inspiration. I love you.
For months I have struggled to find community. My nervous system was hijacked for seven months and even after four months of no contact and therapy twice a week, I am still disregulated. No amount of solitude, art therapy and journaling, though important and beneficial to self-reflection and awareness, have provided me with what I need most: connection, support, compassion and empathy, gifts I want to both give and receive.
These connections exist outside of intentional groups and communities to individual friendships, too. And this morning I’ve been thinking about how these interactions have kept me afloat and reminded me I’m not just free falling, I’m building a quilted parachute made up of genuine and sacred connections. I want to address my gratitude to just some of the those who have had the most positive impact on my life.
To my tarot teacher Kat, when I sit in our circle of witches I feel like I’ve finally found home. A triple fire sign, you don’t hold back! And I love that. I love how strong, honest and authentic you are. You make me feel like I belong and that is no small thing, in fact it is absolutely everything. Thank you.
To Roz, thank you for being honest, but never brutal, never unkind. You aren’t afraid to call me out, but you are gentle about it. You use humor and patient understanding to help me reflect, acknowledge and address my fears. You are whimsical, endearing, creative and you have been there for me now for years, listening to my 15 five minute long voice memos in a row. Frankly, I have no idea how you put up with me. I love you. You are true, and real and you were one of the only people who picked up on the red flags in my relationship and had the courage to address them, whether I was ready to hear it or not. Thank you for being so brave.
To Charee, you remind me of how far I’ve come. You remind me of who I was and how even when I thought I was totally broken, messy and disposable, I said things to you that you still value to this day. I love the way you love my daughter and call her your niece. I love that you get angry on my behalf, how your Aries rising means you don’t take injustices lightly. Your strength, resilience and wisdom are inspiring. I love you and I love how hard you fight for the people who need it the most. You are a true warrior.
To Jeanie, my sister and my person. We could not be more different and yet we compliment each other beautifully. You are my best friend, one of my soulmates, and I believe we will find each other in every lifetime. Maybe someday we will be mother and daughter, or twin brothers, or just best friends. But there’s no doubt in my mind that one incarnation after another, we belong in each other’s lives. I love you. You are so nurturing, often selfless and you can’t help it. You’re a Cancer rising, Venus and Mars! You have Empress energy, that maternal vibe that gives protection, comfort and discipline when it is needed. You know that love does not mean enabling someone’s harmful behavior, it means being brave enough to call them out, gently or not, because that is the fierceness in which you love.
To Elaine, my daughter. You are the epitome of a pure soul and your grace for others, even those who have hurt and harmed you, is something I will forever be in awe of. I have told you this before, but I will never stop: You. Saved. My. Life. I mean this both literally and figuratively. You had every reason to leave me, to find a more stable environment like I encouraged you to do. But you didn’t. You saw that my state of mind was fragile, you saw me curled up in the fetal position unable to eat or even keep water down. You saw me at my very worst and even though I carry guilt for putting you through all of that, I also know that you would have had it no other way. Your empathy is courageous, your temperance inspiring and your wisdom indispensible. There exists no words, no language powerful enough to do the love I have for you any justice.
To Twix, Minnie Mae, Harley Quinn and Rusty. My three dogs and my cat, you keep me alive every day. Minnie, when you see my crying you cuddle with me and lick my hand. Twix, you put your head on my lap, look into my eyes, and send waves of tenderness with your soulful stare. Rusty, when I’m on the verge of a panic attack you sit on my lap or my chest, purr like your life, no, my life depends on it. You remind me that I can self-soothe. And Harley Quinn, my intense little Scorpio Pekingese, you’re the most misunderstood but loving of all. Your loyalty is unmatched. The way you protect me as if it is a soul contract you made for this lifetime touches me deeply, and reminds me that I’m someone of value who deserves protection.
To Clarissa, the elm tree covered in ivy, thank you for letting me place my ear against your trunk, for letting me put my arms around you. Thank you for shading me as I lie beneath you, watch the sunlight stream through the gaps of your foilage. I’m sorry I haven’t visited in a while. I know that the less I’m in nature, the less me I become. Thank you for reminding me to be present, to take time to see the bigger picture and remember that beauty still exists even in these dark and tumultous times.
This is not a full list, but this morning these are the souls and energies that are speaking to me the loudest. So thank you. What you do matters. You matter to me and you matter to the world.
I love you.
There are many more of course. I want to thank you all for making time to care and for making a difference.
We are all blessed to have you❤️